No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
