HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
