There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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