The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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