She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize