It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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