Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
