I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
