Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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