apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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