sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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