Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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