Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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