Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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