your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize