Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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