i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
