I faked an abortion last night.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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