I can tuck mytits in my pants
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
