I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
