Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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