I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
