Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
