you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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