I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
