Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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