i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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