Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
