glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
