We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My bed smells like the plague
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
