I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
