His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
