Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
