make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
