Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
