kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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