YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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