how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize