I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
