Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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