dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
