FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
