He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
