I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
