i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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