is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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