What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
