I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
