Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
