this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
