I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
