I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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