i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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