hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
