im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize