I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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