The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
