Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
time to smoke my breakfast
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
