mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
