And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
