Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
