Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
