I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
