She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
