OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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