Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
