I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
