Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
