so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
