I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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