I only kidnapped one of them. chill
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
