I skipped work to stalk him.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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