oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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