A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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