Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
where am i from again
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
