i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
