so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
