My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
