I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
