I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
