Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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