why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
