i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
