hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
