sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
