We won't sleep together?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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