$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
