I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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