I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
