Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I smell like Dick and happiness
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
